Chapter Nine - A Woman's Worth

“Promise me you’ll always remember. You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~A. A. Milne

Chapter Nine – A Woman’s Worth

BPOV

I should have known she’d gone shopping for more clothes for me. Of course, after my near breakdown on Tuesday night, she was nice enough not to mention it. But all day yesterday I had to model my new clothes to see what they liked and what was going back to the store. Apparently Alice had a very good eye though and everything she picked fit their standards. I just wish it fit mine as well.

I had to work again tonight, and by the grace of God I didn’t have to work with Mike again. Unfortunately, I did have to work with him for a few hours tomorrow night though. Thankfully his shift was earlier than mine and he would be leaving at 5:00.

I had fully expected to be dragged off to some store or another before I had to work, but when I came out of the room Alice was nowhere to be found. That was odd considering she was always back with the coffee by this time. I had gotten used to having it right when I woke up and not having to wait for it.

I looked at the clock again to make sure I had seen it correctly and confirmed my earlier thoughts. Alice was late. But Alice was never late. I started to get worried before I remember that it was bright outside already and it wasn’t likely that anyone had grabbed her. Plus, she looked fairly spunky and I was certain if someone tried, they’d find they had bitten of more than they could chew.

So where is she then? I looked around, but there was no note. Rosalie had gone down to the showers not long ago, so she wasn’t with her. No matter how many times I told myself she was okay, I couldn’t help but worry nonetheless. Just then, I heard a key in the door and sighed in relief. I knew she was fine.

It wasn’t Alice. My face must have shown my worry because Rose cocked one perfectly plucked brow at me, silently asking me what was wrong. After Tuesday night we had slowly begun to more than just tolerate each other. I wouldn’t say we were friends per se, but at least there was no longer any animosity between us anymore.

“Did you see Alice in the hall?” Her brows scrunched together in confusion before she smoothed them out.

“No. Isn’t she back yet? She said she was running right down to the bakery and coming right back. She should have been back about 10 minutes ago.”

“I know. She’s not here though. You don’t think something happened do you?” The worry was creeping back into my voice. I couldn’t stand to think of anything happening to her.

“Let’s calm down for a minute. Maybe there was a line, or she got sidetracked.” That never happens, my mind sadistically whispered to me. “Did you try calling her cell phone?”

Suddenly I felt silly. Of course I hadn’t tried her cell. When I hadn’t seen her in the room, my mind immediately went into panic mode. Again, my face gave me away and Rose smirked at me. “I’ll go do that now.”

I went back into our bedroom and picked up my cell off the bedside table. No missed calls. That didn’t mean anything though, so I scrolled through to her name and hit send. After two rings, her bubbly voice flooded my ears. “Hey Bells! I have the best news! I’ll be there in about 5, don’t go anywhere!” Then she immediately hung up.

I looked at my phone in confusion for a moment. I hadn’t even gotten word in. I walked back out into the living area, phone still in hand, to find Rosalie watching some show on TV. She glanced up at me and noticed my expression.

“Is something wrong?” Great! Now I’m getting her all worked up too.

“Um, I don’t think so…” I trailed off and looked down at my phone once more. I was still very confused and had no idea what was about to happen. “Alice said she’d be here in about 5 minutes and not to go anywhere.”

“And?”

“And she said she had the best news, but she hung up on me before I could even say anything,” Rosalie’s laughter rang out through the room.

“That sounds just like Alice,” she shook her head and went back to her show.

True to her word, 5 minutes later Alice came strolling through the door with a beaming smile. I eyed her warily, already knowing not to trust that smile. She twirled into the room, coffee in hand, and went to set it down on the table. Although she was usually very graceful already, there seemed to be a new bounce in her step.

“Good morning, my lovely and beautiful friends!” She danced over and kissed me on the cheek before making her way over to do the same to Rose. We shot each other a glance and then both looked expectantly at Alice. As usual, Rose was the first to break the silence.

“You want to tell us what’s going on?” Alice just beamed at us.

“I just went to get coffee,” she had a sly grin on her face now, and I could feel the worry creeping over me again.

“Bullshit.” Very succinct, Rose.

“What? Can’t a girl just run down to the bakery to get coffee?” She was batting her eyelashes at us and we glanced at each other again.

“Um, Alice? No one is saying you didn’t get coffee, but you’re almost 20 minutes late,” I was trying to sound firm, but I was still worried about her. She broke into peals of laughter, which confused me even more.

“It was the most wonderful 20 minutes of my life!” She grabbed Rose’s coffee and took it over to her, then sat down next to her on the couch. “I met my soul mate today at the coffee shop.”

Rose lifted one eyebrow at her. I wish I knew how to do that. “Your soul mate, eh? Really, Alice. You don’t believe in that do you?”

She looked affronted, but then a dreamy look came over her face. “Of course I do. Jasper is the one for me.” Rose and I were silent, waiting for her to continue, but she was just staring off into space with a small smile lingering at the corners of her mouth.

“Alice? Are you gonna tell us what happened?” I couldn’t handle it anymore. I just needed to know what this Jasper guy was like and how he had managed to woo Alice so completely.

“He spilled coffee on himself.” She giggled at the memory, but neither Rose nor I really got the joke. She saw our looks of confusion and backtracked to give us the whole story.

“I went down to the bakery to get coffee, like I always do and there was this guy standing at the counter in front of me. Apparently he hadn’t heard me come in and when he went to turn around, he lost his grip on the tray of coffees.” She smiled that small smile again to herself and her eyes got misty.

“Well, what happened then?” Rose wanted answers, and she wanted them now.

“The coffee was just about to spill on me, which would have been terrible considering this is a brand new sweater and it’s one of my favorites. Do you know how hard it is to find a sweater in this color and blend that fits me correctly? I nearly had to wrestle another woman in the store for this one and it was the last one!

I can’t even imagine the horror of trying to find a replacement for it if anything happened. I actually think it may have been part of a limited collection for this season’s fall line.” She stopped there for a minute, but before she could gear up to go on about the sweater again, I cut her off.

“Alice, what about Jasper?”

“Oh yeah, right. So anyway, right when the coffee was about to tilt out of his control I closed my eyes, just waiting for the burn. But he flicked his wrist around and the whole tray dumped down the front of his shirt. Have you ever heard of anything so romantic?” She had that dreamy look on her face again and she was lost in her own thoughts.

I didn’t know if I would necessarily consider it romantic, but it was clear that she did and was sold on this guy. Rose and I just continued to exchange glances, making it clear we would talk more about it later.

Suddenly, Alice perked up and gave me that wicked smile again, setting me on edge. “I almost forgot! I didn’t even tell you the best part yet.” He gaze was still locked on me and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what came next.

“What is it?” I asked nervously.

“Guess who he’s roommates with.” I felt that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, the one I could only associate with one person. My face paled and my eyes went wide.

“No.” It barely came out as a whisper. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I guess in a theoretical sense, it had.

“Oh, yes. In fact, he’s rooming with both of the guys we saw him with at that pub last week.”

“Well, isn’t that interesting,” Rose purred. “And where, dear Alice, is this room full of gorgeous men?” She looked like she already knew, but in a way I guess we all had an idea after Tuesday night. Alice smirked and looked directly at me again.

“It’s funny you ask, Rose. It seems like there is a room full of absolutely stunning men right down the hall in room 412.”

I couldn’t believe it. I had hoped that we were wrong. How was I possibly going to avoid him if he was just a few doors down the hall? How could life be that cruel to me? Just calm down Bella, you’ve managed to avoid him fairly well so far. Except for the other night.

Even my mind wasn’t helping. I felt my breath coming in gasps again and turned to flee the room. I just had to get out of here. I ran in our bedroom and quickly threw on some clothes.


That evening, I couldn’t keep my mind off of Alice and her budding romance. She was serious when she said Jasper was her soul mate. Not that I believed in any of that. I didn’t need to have any experience with romance to know that stuff like that only happened in storybooks.

My entire day was consumed with these thoughts. Who really truly believed in love at first sight anyway? Despite romance novels and movies, that kind of love doesn’t really exist. Besides, who really wants a storybook romance anyway? Wouldn’t it be just a fictional and fake as the story it was based on?

It’s not like a guy would ever truly live for you, die for you, or give up everything he had for you. Chivalry and the like are dead. True gentlemen aren’t even a dying breed anymore. They are, in essence, extinct. And even if there was someone out there made just for me, how would I ever find him?

Even if I did somehow manage to find him, how could anyone ever fall for someone as insecure and neurotic as me? They say in order to truly find love you have to love yourself first. Yeah, like that will ever happen.

On my entire walk home I thought more about loving myself and if it was possible. What is there to love? I’d have to overlook so many overwhelming obstacles to love me. I’m clumsy, I’m shy, I tend to live in my books, and I have an inability to articulate my wants and needs. Line up all you eligible bachelors. I scowled to myself as I trudged up the stairs.

It’s not even like I’m even remotely beautiful. I have blah brown hair, blah brown eyes, pale skin, and I’m too skinny. Gangly even. Who would ever notice someone as plain as me when there are girls like Rosalie around? Even Alice was gorgeous. I was so outgunned.

I walked into our dorm and slammed the door before I realized we had company. My steps faltered and I nearly lost my balance before I could catch myself. Sitting on our couch was a tall lanky blonde guy with soft blue eyes. He had a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips and I suddenly liked him all the better for it. Just like that the tension left my body.

I carefully made my way over and extended my hand, “You must be Jasper.”

“Yes ma’am, and you must be Bella. I’ve already heard so much about you.” His eyes were twinkling with secrets. I shot a glance at Alice but she just shrugged her shoulders.

“Oh, really?” I gave him a half smile and raised my brows. “Care to share?”

“You seem to have met one of my roommates before. Edward remembers you vividly.” His grin stretched across his face again and I knew I wouldn’t get anymore out of him.

Edward, eh? Somehow the name fit him. It may have been old fashioned, but I could see the bronze haired Adonis in the pages of Mansfield Park as Edmund or Jane Eyre as Edward. Where did that thought come from? Must have been all that talk about storybook romances.

I grinned back at Jasper and gave him a wink. “Well, you make sure to tell Edward I said hey.” Then I sauntered to our room as wild laughter broke out behind me.

I closed the door and dropped down on my bed. I grabbed my pillow and held it over my face and screamed into it. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I just do that? Tell him I said hey? Seriously? Why not just hand-deliver him a fucking invitation? Now he was going to talk to me for sure. I didn’t want that! I can’t talk to him! My tongue tied itself in knots the last time I had tried to talk to him. Not only that, but I’m the crazy girl who knocked him down in the stairwell.

Oh yeah, we can’t forget about the whole following him home incident too. Might as well just stamp a huge S on my forehead for Stalker. Maybe I should I just take out an ad in the paper, no better I’ll hire a skywriter. My name is Bella. I’m totally lame. Did I mention I’m your stalker too? By the way, hey.

Jesus, what is wrong with me? I am so screwed. What am I going to do? It’s not like I can just run away. I have to stay and face him. If he even approaches me, that is. I’ll be calm, cool, and collected.

Who am I kidding? I’m a total fucking spazz! If I even think about him I nearly hyperventilate. Now I think I can just talk to him nonchalantly? Yeah, when pigs fly.

I groaned again in frustration. How did I get myself into this mess? Oh, right. I was just my normal clumsy self and I was rooming with Alice. This was all her fault. She just had to go and find her soul mate in his roommate didn’t she? Traitor.

I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. I heard Jasper leave and I heard Alice and Rose come in and go to bed, but I didn’t let either of them know I was still awake. I didn’t want to talk about Edward. Even knowing his name made it worse. Now I couldn’t just refer to him vaguely. Every time I thought about him, I would think Edward.

I shouldn’t even be thinking about him. I don’t date. I don’t want to. I don’t want to get involved in a relationship. I don’t even know the guy! Here I am, thinking about him in the middle of the night and all I know is his name. And what he smells like. My mind truly was evil.

I was sure I was in some kind of trouble. I didn’t know when it was going to come, but I knew there was trouble coming. Why couldn’t I have just remained the quiet girl that sits in class? I didn’t want any attention. I didn’t want people to know who I am. I just want to get an education and a degree so I can move on with my life.

But no, now I couldn’t stop thinking about him. And apparently, he had been talking about me. Well, let him talk. I’ll leave these funky premonitions to Alice.

My skin started feeling tingly and sleep finally took over me. That was the first night I dreamed about Edward.